U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
