he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's never too late to be topless.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
