I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's always time for handjobs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
