my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
