just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
