I puked a lego.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
