Already got asked if we're dating
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
