cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
