Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
