so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
