....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am available for nakedness
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
