just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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