my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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