Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
