I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
