i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
