3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
