Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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