the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
