just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
