Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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