Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
