Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize