I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
