I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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