His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
