just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
