I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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