I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
