whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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