i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
