half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
