Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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