We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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