He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize