I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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