Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
