Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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