Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
zippers are such a cool invention
I am midnight drunk by noon
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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