Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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