Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
