im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
