Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
