Christians are straight up FREAKS
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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