Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
