i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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