I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
