All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
