when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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