please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
