she looked like the before picture.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize