Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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