There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
