he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
