Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
