i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
