hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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