Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
