were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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