sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
