I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
