Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
