I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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