It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
