It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
