My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He better not be in your backpack
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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