The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
