i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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