Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
