we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
