does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize