A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
