Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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