They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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