This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
