The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
