I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
