How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
