K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to have your abortion
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
