How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
