Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
