I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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