I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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