Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
