i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
