On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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