i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
