And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
