I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
