I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
