overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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