JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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