My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just wanna soil my oats bro
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
