god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
