wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
