I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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