I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
