I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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