You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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