If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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