Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize