1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
