i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
