let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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