so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
