Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize