When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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