is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
