I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
