end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
