Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
