He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
