Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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